


Time And Rad Deliriousness In Space

by maria_j_harper



Category: Doctor Who, Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2082879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_j_harper/pseuds/maria_j_harper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is a renegade timelord who stole a TARDIS and travels around with human companions. Everything is fun and games until some idiot touches something he really shouldn't have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time And Rad Deliriousness In Space

"I'm John Egbert, what's your name?"  
You're really beginning to regret saving this guy. "I'm The Dude."  
"No, but really, who are you?"  
"I told you, I'm The Dude."  
He snorts. "Okay, Dude, what was all that about?"  
"What, the Alternian invasion? Yeah, no big deal. Aliens try to invade Earth at least once a year, give or take. I'm just surprised how well-planned this one was. I mean, Betty fucking Crocker, who knew right?"  
"I knew. Well I didn't know she was an alien, but I always thought she was an evil batterwitch."  
You stop walking, and the corner of your mouth twitches upward. "Really?"  
He shrugs. "Well duh, you have to be evil to head such a fucking massive corporation. Did you know that she owns Fruity Gushers? She's got her tentacles everywhere!"  
"Well not anymore, The Dude dealt with the problem. Your planet and your gushers are safe my friend, now I advise you to be along your merry way."  
"Are there more aliens?" He's still asking questions. You groan. You've had a long hard day, and you just want to kick back in your TARDIS and listen to some sick beats.  
"Yes, dingus, there is more than one species of alien in the infinite fucking universe."  
"Are you an alien?"  
"Yep."  
"No way, you're joking!"  
"You're right, I am joking. See ya!" You begin walking again.  
"Wait a minute!" You stop and wait, as John runs around to stand in front of you. "You're an alien? You don't look like an alien. Not unless you have weird alien eyes under those shades of yours. Prove it. Prove you're an alien."  
"I could show you my space ship. Would that convince you?"  
"I don't know, maybe."  
"Right, come on." You'll say this for the dweeb, he sure is persistent. You lead him to your TARDIS. "This is my space ship."  
"It's a photo booth."  
"It's ironic. Go inside, take a selfie or something."  
At this point John Egbert probably thinks you're crazy, but that's okay, because in a moment he'll think that _he's_ crazy. You snap your fingers so that the invisible door opens, and he walks in.  
He walks back out again. He walks a circle around the ship. He walks back in. "Holy SHIT!" You hear him say.  
Oh yeah, this is what you live for. This and the babes. You can't help but notice Egbert's got some babe-like qualities himself, in the cute, nerdy sort of way. You walk in after him. "I call it the TARDIS, Time And Rad Deliriousness In Space."  
"It's bigger on the inside."  
"Huh. Interesting observation John, quite fucking original. You can be certain that no one else in the history of fucking ever has made that same remark."  
"Haven't they?"  
The little shit doesn't understand sarcasm. This is going to be more difficult than you expected. "Yes, of course they have Egderp. 'Ever' is a very long time, and its history contains pretty much everything. Believe me, I would know. The T in TARDIS isn't there just because ARDIS sounds like some kind of fucking disease you know, this is actually a time machine too."  
John notices a glowing only partially existent house sigil on your consul. "Hey, what's that?"  
Damn, you knew you should have put that away. You distinctly remember thinking that the decision to leave it out would never come back to bite you in the ass later, which means it's about to come back and bite you in the ass. "I don't know, it's probably nothing."  
"What does it do?"  
"I don't know, probably nothing."  
"I'm going to touch it."  
"No, DON'T-" Too late, he stuck his whole arm through it.  
Shit, he's blurring. Wait, no, he's back to normal! He pulls his arm out of it. He wriggles his fingers. "Huh. I guess you're right, it doesn't do anything."  
"Uh... yeah, I guess so. Ha, ha, you should go now." You don't know what the fuck just happened, but you do know that you want someone this stupid as far away from you and Sexy as possible. (You call your TARDIS Sexy, for ironic purposes obviously.)  
"Yeah... I was supposed to eat dinner at my dad's place tonight. He'll get worried if I'm not there soon. Thanks for showing me your space ship, Mr. Dude the Alien. Maybe I'll see you around sometime."  
He leaves, and you warp out.  
You arrive on Raxicoricofalibatorious, the year is 38150, AK (After Klom). You open your door, and find a young man standing outside of it. He has rectangular glasses, buck-teeth, and blue eyes.  
"Hey Dude, I think that weird glowy thing did something."  
= > FACEPALM COMBO X 2


End file.
